Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Tuesday, November 01, 2005hello everyone!!! =DAlright, let me first start off by reporting what a wonderful day i had with my pals last night. On second thoought, i should start off with my paper. The Chinese Paper =) It was erm, alright? If not for the fact my menses came and ya, disrupted my whole train of thoughts, cos the THING didn't just come, it came with cramps. ya, just imagine, u want to write this marvellous compo but everytime you want to pen something with "mo shui" or so my dad says, you hear yourself ouching away cos the pain's erm, unbearable? Fortunately, the invigilators were kind enough to let us off to the toilet during the 15 min break(which i thought was not allowed, and apparently it isn't i guess?) but nevertheless, it was well appreciated. Anyhow, paper 2 wasn't all that good either cos i spent half the time on thinking of ways how i will not stain. but erm, ya, the compre was rather tough i found, so was the summary. i could write 2 words from the "tian xie han zi" section. WHEE!!! carlene's main accomplishment. just hope i can pass this paper not too badly so i won't have to retake. *prays hard* and i pray that everyone won't have to retake too! *prays even harder* Alright, having TCP done.. next!!! Alright, after the paper, the time taken to collect your bag is quite long right, cos you know people squeeze and all, so ya, that's where all the mess and trouble came it. Because i was standing there for soooooo long, the thing was bleeding profusely and thus, i ya... So i decided to go late for OCIP meeting and go home and get changed. I wasn't all that late i guess, but i felt reall stinky and smelly and really terrible. like giddiness and all. and my cramps were hurting. you know those kind that comes once in a while. like OUCH and then no more. you know those.. yup. Anyhow the meeting nded earlier than i thought so i was quite happy, BUT BUT there were many things to be changed cos our syllabus weren't good enough, as in we didn't plan for upper primary students... which was mistake on my part. yup, but i really wasn't in any shape to do any discussion. =X Anyways, as everyone was starving, they all decided to meet online instead but i couldn't make it cos i was going to meet my pals... =) The Esplanade Serenade Now, the chim chim thing comes in. Our prep talk again. You know those kind where you just sit and talk. Before i go into greater detail. Let me announce. i ate SUBWAY for the FIRST time yesterday!!! haha!!! and the COOKIE was GREAT!!! =) yup. me and cheryl ate the student special, which is a small sandwich, a drink and a cookie. I took ham whilst cheryl took cold cut trio. and i ate only 2 type of veg. cucumber and lettuce. =D (little, but at least i ate veg rite... ) and the both of us took double choc chip for our cookie. it was um..... yummy. =D Then cindy and mei yi shared this inch long thing lar. Don't really know what it is, anyhow, we ended up buying up 12 cookies in total. 9 bucks for 12, each of us took 3, cheryl brought 1 home for her sis, and i brought 2 home, 1 for my sis and the other for my bro. Apparantly they haven't eaten it, if it spoils before they eat it, i will murder them lar, i mean if they don't want my fabulous cookie... then... i can have it!!! haha!! Alright, so anyhow, let me continue, so after we bought the cookies, we headed to The Esplanade. It was already half past 8 i think. yup. arrived there... took some pictures and it was cookie talk time!!! ^.^ we ate and talk and in fact, we spent most of the time advising snail. Wonder if those advices work, but anyhow, we did tell her all we could. She's 1 confused child. I guess her inability to open up gives her a major disadvantage, but i can tell she's trying. or at least i'm sure she will try. =) You can do it, you know you can. and whatever choice it may be, you have all ur 3 sisters behind you. =D Yup, time flies. really wanted to talk longer but it was already 10++ and we are all good girls so we've gotta be home in time to see our parents. haha. and i was holding 2 cookies... later poeple rob me. haha!!! yup. So i'm going to end here for my entry. and i love my sisters did i ever mention? i love my class too, esp my gang, and my friends and of course my family. *why must u 2 be so headstrong. the 2 of you can cause the whole house to go into chaos. how can u be so rude to mum. you're so outrageously rude to everyone in the household. you don't gove a damn whether i'm your sis or she's your mum. you're just as rude. you simply have no respect. and i don't get it, don't you find it hurtful when mum decides to ignore you? why can't u just wake up in the morning and not dily daly and get everyone late? why must you always without fail make everyone wait? why cna't you be a bit more sensible? talking to you kills, whenever i want to tell you you're wrong in some aspect, you scream back at me. i'm no good sister, i'm not a good example, i'm selfish hot tempered etc etc, but you don't have to follow. dont' take ME as a reason why you're like that today. you're who you choose to be. I could have become much worse but i didn't cos i know i didn't want to. i can be extremely rude, but i know when i'm wrong but you don't. you don't give i damn whether or not ur words hurt others. you only say what u think is right. but how do u know that everything u say is right? can't you think from the other person's point of view? where has all the SAC teaching gone to? what kind of person r u becoming to be do u know? Drag you out of bed in the morning, everyone's waiting for you so we can all go out for breakfast but you choose to lay in bed and just make everyone wait and scream for you. seriously you ought to be extremely ashamed of yourself. You make yourself lovable in front of others and i find that totally shameless. you're one kind of person at home and another somewhere else. the words you say at times make me feel like slapping you straight. so fake so ARGH!! where's the sincerity??? mum has given up all hope on you, she doesn't care bout u aymore and u act obliviant? is that what you want? you want everyone to not care bout u and let u live on ur own. for goodness sake! u SHARE a room with me, andur clothes are shrewn everywhere. as in EVERYWHERE. undergarments EVERYTHING is just thrown all over. keep telling you to clear, its unhygenic but do u heed? NO! tell me, so what if u have much more musical talent than me, so what if you're more talkative than i am, so what if people have a dull impression of me, at least i know i can live up to myself. i don't hurt as many people as you do. ARGH!* = you're a great mum. you're good. you sacrifice. but you don't have tolerance. Is admitting you're wrong for once going to kill? she's rude, she irritating to the max, but she's after all your sister. how can you say you won't care and therefore you won't? after all you gave birth to her. whether you like her for the way she is or not, she was once in ur womb for 9 months no? I can't say i can stand her either, but i know i won't give up on her because i have to live with whatever she is. i have no motivation. she hurts me soooo much i want to kill her and not see her again, but how can i do that? no one can. how long more and how many times more do u want to see yourself as pitiful. as stressed? as giving up for worthless reasons? and when can u finally accept that you're a "tan". u see yourself as a "lee". there are many characteristics you don't like about the "tan" family. and i can name you hundreds of which i can't stand the "lee" but do i? no. i accept you're like that, but that doesn't mean i can tolerate. i'm in no postition to question, to have a say of right or wrong. but i want you to know that you don't always have to be right to gain my respect. in fact, i would LOVE a mum wadever way she is. ugly, fat, thin... so be it. i don't care. i only care about the way she brings herself. when dad wants to hold a gathering, you complain, you whine, you self pity, but when the guests come you're a whole new different person, you act like the perfect wife. wearing a mask? is that what you want to teach us? is that why sis is like that? you complain about wasting money, but when your friends come, don't you spend money as well. yes, dad doesn't pay for many stuff and your allowance is depleting fast, but why should you worry? If you think you're done all you are and all you can for this house, your son and daughters WILL be filial. so why shouold you worry that we'll leave you behind? You tell us again and again you've given up all you have, but do you know once is enough. more than once makes it insincere? what's you point in telling us time and time again. so that we'll remember you've given up more than dad and so we won't abandon you but abandon dad instead? what is it you want from reinforcing the point you've given up so much? when you're unhappy with someone or something, you flare at every single one at the house, and if we don't do what you wish, or if we disagree with you, you say we're all "tans" and therefore we'll have one unison answer. what utter rubbish! don't you understand? we all have our own point of view. is it so hurting to hear another point of view? is it so difficult to accept new ideas? or you think whatever you do and think is the one and only right way of doing things. everything else will fail? is that it? i hope you can stop all this cold war soon, and just think about it. i don't know when that will be, but i'm willing to wait, and i hope you do your part. = - i guess i don't understand how you think, i don't think i ever will if you don't ever open up. but i don't see what's wrong with just being friends. i mean, if i ever did anything to make you like me, i'm sorry. i don't ever mean anything to happen, i just know whatever i behave is how i an and i hope you can accept the real me and not the preconcieve version of me. its so difficult cause there's this awkwardness between us and the worst fact? we're classmates. i know its hard for you, i'm trying to get rid of this awkwardness cause i don't ever want to have to ignore anyone, especially not from my class. you can tell me to pretend you're not there, to just pretend i don't know you, but how can i? you're a friend who was once a counseller and someone i could rant to. but now? is it just because things took a different turn and thus you choose to ignore me? i never could understand the fact why people refuse to talk to one another after "something" happens because anyhow, we all started out as friends at the very beginning no? why can't we all just go back to that stage. we can't be ignorant of what has already happened, but i know for sure it's effortless to remain friends. i really hope we can talk like we did again. - |